As I've expressed, there has been a plague on my home for about the past two months. Every time we all get well, someone starts coughing again or wakes up with a scratchy throat, and the whole cycle resets itself and descends upon us like a mudslide. Doctor flippantly calls it "Daycare Nose," but we know it as The Scourge. (And we're counting on this to be over the precise day R.L. turns one, one month from now, February 14th, just like she promised.)
We haven't been passive victims in this war either. We've actively resisted the evil forces at work here. For instance, I've become the vitamin king. Every morning I'm religiously taking a whole foods supplement, Vitamin C, Vitamin E, an Aspirin, and Glucosamine Chondroitin just in case cartilage and colds are interconnected. I know the very best over-the-counter cold and cough medicines on the market right now. Extra Strength Mucinex DM for the cough with a tall glass of water. Take it to the bank. I've taken two different kinds of street-sweeping antibiotics. I've had a steroid shot. I'm using a Symbicort inhaler for bronchial dilation. I've taken Tussin w/Codeine capsules, and as a result we had a midnight fire drill because I saw and smelled smoke filling the upstairs of my home and ran into the street in my underwear clutching a discombobulated boy and screaming fire. I've taken more sick days than the previous 3 or 4 years combined. Whined and complained. I've tried sucking it up, being the tough guy, using the power of positive thinking. I've slept for hours thinking rest might be the key. None of it has worked. H has experienced similar frustrations.
This past weekend, we hit the wall. We started reading up on alternative therapies for the common cold. "What would they do in India," we asked ourselves, "or ancient Greece?"
Yogis pour warm saltwater through their sinus cavities to wash away impurities. In one nostril, behind the eyes and ears, into the back of the throat, and out the other nostril in a steady stream. It feels great, and it has the most immediate gratification of any cold treatment I've ever tried. After a Neti Pot (the name-brand that's sold at Walmart) I feel great for an hour or so. I highly recommend it, twice a day.
Hippocrates invented a version of a treatment that we in alternative medicine now call the Ascorbic Acid Flush (also known as a Vitamin C flush). This one takes the cake. Generally the way that it works is that you take a teaspoon of Ascorbic Acid diluted in some water or juice every fifteen minutes until it induces fully fledged diarrhea. No soft stools here; it has to blow. The "evacuation" as it is known by some (the "event" by others) is supposed to be an expulsion of all the toxins in the body. The ascorbic acid molecules bond or something to toxins and take them away when they leave. As we grew closer and closer to the event, the stuff started tasting nastier and nastier. H wasn't sure whether she would puke first or just die. It began with a little rumble in the gut, and then after a mad dash to the can, it was over. For H anyway. Me? I must have been purging demons dating all the way back to my rock-n-roll days cause I'm still experiencing cleansing blasts, and it is Tuesday morning.
The cool news is that H feels great. She said yesterday that she feels five pounds lighter, and her cold symptoms are almost gone. I am finally on the mend. At first, I think I let myself get dehydrated during the flush, and I had to learn to pound water nonstop. Ever since I've been loading up on l'eau, I'm feeling better and better.
The latest lesson in Parenthood 101: Water is the nectar of the gods. The Truth. Drink it like your life depends on it cause it does.
--MJF
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